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Post by x---Lindsay---> ♥ on Jun 11, 2006 13:38:21 GMT -5
Diary,
Wow. Things have been akward and depressing and exciting this past week. Usually I wouldn't want to write in a time like this. But I felt the need to recapture and remeber these past days. First of all, Pete checked into rehab. That was pretty sad. He did because he has a drinking problem. And so do I. But I'm not gooing to rehab. Not rght now. Not ever in my opinion. But I should because recently I haven't been eating. People, especially Pete, are telling me to stop it, but I just can't. I have pretty much lost my appetite. I guess thats just the way its going to be. Fun parts of this week were making out with Pete. Heh- good fun. But I'm still pretty depressed....and hungover. I'll writw later maybe.
Lindsay ♥
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Post by x---Lindsay---> ♥ on Jun 13, 2006 21:19:10 GMT -5
Wow
Me and Pete
We went all the way
Wunna know the best part?
We can't remember a damn thing.
We were too drunk and high.
I hardly knew where I was when I woke up
Turns out, at Angel's
And she must have 'did it' with Seoras
I can't believe her.
And for the record...
I don't know why im writing this line by line
I have a killer hangover right now
I really wish I wasn't drunk
When .... you know.
Oh well
We can't turn back time now.
I'll survive.
At least it wasn't completely weird when we woke up
We both kept our cool
Thank gawd.
Well then
G'nite
xo
Lindsay
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Post by x---Lindsay---> ♥ on Jun 24, 2006 19:27:55 GMT -5
Its funny. Looking back at the last entry. That was so long ago...so many things have changed. Like for one, the last entry says me and Pete...did it. Well yeah, now there is no more Pete. And I got pregnant. But there is no baby.
Pete's gone. And here come the tears again. I haven't stopped crying for the past week. I sat there and watched him kill himself on the beach. I couldn't stop him. I was too late. I don't understand why he did this. I don't want to, but I have continued to question his love for me. I know he did, so why do I still ask. Why do I go down to the beach, where I can see him. I know, this sounds bizarre. But he's there. Like a ghost. But only to me. I just don't know anymore. I still love him. He wants me to have someone else. Someone to love. But I know, that I could never love anyone else. Never. And this is how it is...Too many tears at the moment. Good night.
xo
Lindsay ♥
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Post by x---Lindsay---> ♥ on Jul 20, 2006 13:45:38 GMT -5
It never really hits you fully. You know their gone, but in your mind their not. Like when you pick up the phone to dial his number, but then you have to hang up because he can't answer his phone anymore. These things hurt. They break people. And I feel broken. I've been really suicidal the last few days. But nothing major. I went back to cutting myself. Just like I did when Kevin died. Most of the time I'm high or drunk anymore. And I don't mind. Because for those few seconds, i dont have to think about anything. The feeling is great. I know im into all the wrong things. but they just seem so right now. I gave up trying to stop. Its pathetic, but at least i didnt kill myself. and here i am crying. im sober right now, which is the only reason im writing. and for the record, i need a drink. bye.
xo
Lindsay
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