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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 15:39:34 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Saggezza on Apr 30, 2006 15:39:34 GMT -5
hey everyone! my friend has this problem, and she asked me what I thought, and I didn't know what to do, so I figured I'd ask your unbiased advice. here goes: my friend, thinks she likes this guy, but the guy is one of her best friends. Does she say something, and risk loosing the friendship?
or does she keep it to herself?if she says something, and he feels the same way, but she realizes she doesn't, that would kill the friendship but if they both feel the same way, thats great. if she likes him, but he doesn't like her back, that could make things awkward. but if she doesnt' say anything, and he does like her, then it could be completely lost and if she doesn't say anything, and he doesn't feel the same way, nothing changes.... GAH! I AM SO CONFUSED!
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 16:30:11 GMT -5
Post by Seoras Reinard on Apr 30, 2006 16:30:11 GMT -5
despite that this sounds like the very cliche thing of talking about one's friend when the "friend" is yourself, i will do my best. though i have been known to screw things up instead of making things better x.x
1) your friend ought to figure out if she really likes this guy before she does anything. telling him she likes him is a bust if she figures out later she is wrong about her feelings.
2) is she does decide she likes him, she should try and maybe flirt with him playfully or something, see how he responds. if he flirts back but doesn't sound sincere enough, then he might not like her that way. unless he's very closed about his feelings...but if he does sound sincere, then she could be in luck
3) if she thinks he might like her back, she should probably go for it. if she's the outgoing/bouncy/open type, then she should just kinda find a way to tell him, i would assume when it is just the two of them. if she is the quiet/shy/reserved type...hmm...she might be able to ease in to telling him, like set up something where they could be alone together maybe like at her house, movie, darkness, kinda try to cuddle up next to him without being insanely obvious...worth a shot i guess (im afaid im not an authority in any sense of the word)
4) if she likes him & he likes her back, so much the better. if she does but he does not (god's forbid) then i would say to just try and move on. maybe give herself a day to clear her mind, but dont dwell on it. if he shoots her down he's probably not worth it anyways, at least not romanticly speaking. just try & act normally as if it never really happened and if he isnt denser than lead he'll pick up on that she just wants to put it behind them & stay friends.
so, these are my thoughts. then again, i wouldnt know anything about this, never having had such a relationship...i bottle too much, crank down the lid and hide the jar behind my back. i also cant help that i live in a bit of a fantasy world with my hopeless romanticism ^.^'''
((just an aside, would i know the 2 people in question?))
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 16:42:07 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Saggezza on Apr 30, 2006 16:42:07 GMT -5
Comments:
1.) thats not as easy as it sounds. It can be extremly difficult to distinguish between the 'best friend' love and the 'i like you' love. I know that sounds so odd, but any girl, would agree...
2.) a: do 'closed about his feelings' and shy count as the same? b: again, its diffcult to tell between the two types of flirting. Theres friendly flirting, and then there is "FRIENDLY FLIRTING" if you get what I mean
3.) refer to 2b.....
4.) some guys are denser than lead....
ASIDE: possibly, I cannot tell *shrug*
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 16:53:43 GMT -5
Post by Seoras Reinard on Apr 30, 2006 16:53:43 GMT -5
1) i will agree with that, and i will admit to having some "experience" with that one could say, though it was more other eole's perception than mine
2) a. im not entirely positive to tell the truth...i would say they could mean the same thing. shy usually refers to interacting with people in general in my book however.
b. i know that too. i was thinking the same thing when i was typing that...and i still havent figured out what ours is * ;P *
3. ok
4. i know that too, coming into contact with about 1200+ every weekday, but i would hope that any one who is friends with you would have at least decent taste in guys due to your intelligence rubbing off on them (NOT SARCASM), hopefully ones that have a brain behind their "pretty face"
aside: you can't tell as in you dont know? or you wont tell because it's really not my business?
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 17:07:51 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Saggezza on Apr 30, 2006 17:07:51 GMT -5
1.) elaborate? you have sparked my curioisity
2.) a: thats what I thought b: don't confuse me adam...its not a good idea
3.) heh
4.) point well taken
aside: oath of the sisterhood my friend. cannot betray it
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 17:25:24 GMT -5
Post by Seoras Reinard on Apr 30, 2006 17:25:24 GMT -5
1)well, first off the word i was TRYING to type was "people". secondly, i was mostly refering to my friend Namu (penname). i had met her at a summer camp and had been talking to her for less than an hour before some girl asked if we were going out. it was freaky. and then for a few years afterwards some people were convinced we were because we were/are bff's of opposite gender & mainly kept to ourselves. bunch of twits...Tim still makes comments to the effect of me liking her more than as a friend; these comments are usually followed by a "Shut up Tim."
2)a. i would personally consider myself normally both...
b. not trying to be confusing: it crossed my mind that it is difficult to tell the difference between friendly and "FRIENDLY" when i was typing up my original advice. and then i was trying to make a joke...apparently i failed spectacularly x.x
3) Hoot!
4) the sad thing is it's true x.x
aside: ...*eyetwitch* ...does that mean that you will tell no one or only a member of your "sisterhood"? to which i clearly dont belong (being a guy would sort of make that difficult, wouldnt it?) or does it mean you tell no one without the person who has the secret's permission?
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 17:45:41 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Saggezza on Apr 30, 2006 17:45:41 GMT -5
1.) yupp, thats tim for ya
2.) as would I, and yet your not with me......i feel specially loved
3.) YAY POPCORN
4.) no offense, but guys are idioits
aside: both the code of the sisterhood states:
"All sisters must agree unanimously to make an announcement pertaining to a sister and a secret or something of the sort. If this is not UNANIMOUSLY agreed upon, the secret remains in the sisterhood, until such time when/if the sisterhood decides unanimously to release it. In certain cases, it is allowed to release the said secret if the sister whith the secret wishes it to be made public. In that case, the announcement does not need to be agreed upon unanimously. All secrets must either be shared with the entirty of the sisterhood, or not at all. It is known that the secrets told to the sisterhood shall not, under any circumstances be released with out approval, or be used against the person in any way shape or form. If these codes are consiously disrespected, the sister may be abolished from the sisterhood, at the agreement of at least one half of the rest of the sisters. In the event that there is an even number of sisters, and a tie occurs, the sisters take into consideration the sister in question's past acts...."
etc etc....you get the general gist
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 19:07:20 GMT -5
Post by Duke Tatum on Apr 30, 2006 19:07:20 GMT -5
I've dated one of my best friends, and I've admitted I had a crush on another of them.
Well, from a third party I learned that she liked me as well, so I just asked her out and she was kind of scared about it but ended up saying yes. So that one worked out. A suggestion might be a third party, someone close to that friend who he would tell about something like that. Girls usually interfere naturally when they learn about something like that, so it might take a little more to get it out of a guy.
With my other friend, she didn't like me back and we're still amazingly close.
EDIT: My point is that you can ask all the people in the world on what to do with this situation but it's really based on the fact that everyone is different so you never know what reactions people will give you. I would say I was lucky both times.
Now, my suggestion to your friend is that she follow her heart- if she can't bear keeping this inside then she should say something- subtly. In a way that he'll have to respond to it but also in a way that it's just the two of them alone together.
If she can move on, tell her to do so because in reality your friends are always there for you and those you have infatuations with- even if it might feel like more- won't be.
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 19:11:05 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Saggezza on Apr 30, 2006 19:11:05 GMT -5
EDIT: all I have is this comment; knowledge is learned, wisdom is experience. And Duke--wisdom is, at the moment, your middle name lol
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 20:15:10 GMT -5
Post by Seoras Reinard on Apr 30, 2006 20:15:10 GMT -5
and i told you first thing that i have no experience and therefore no wisdom. im also a hopeless romantic, so the lines of reality tend to blur on occaision
EDIT: and my middle name is still cooler than his, so *mleah!*
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Christian Remoc
Junior
Drama Geek Manager of Electronics Boutique The Komrade
And those that can't make the distance, can't be part of the resistance. Hallelujah.
Posts: 152
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 20:23:00 GMT -5
Post by Christian Remoc on Apr 30, 2006 20:23:00 GMT -5
Don't ask me. I've fallen into the place where reality and perception are no longer distigishable, where fiction and non-fiction are one.
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 20:26:31 GMT -5
Post by Artemis Saggezza on Apr 30, 2006 20:26:31 GMT -5
god you sound like me.....
my guidance counseler is always yelling at me because I "immerse myself in the fantasy world so I don't have to deal with the real world...."
yeah....sure, we'll go with that
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Advice
Apr 30, 2006 20:32:01 GMT -5
Post by Seoras Reinard on Apr 30, 2006 20:32:01 GMT -5
ok, who the heck cloned me and made me into a girl and a communist? and i can say i was the cloned one b/c im older than both of you. HA! EN GUARDE!
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Advice
May 19, 2006 21:57:27 GMT -5
Post by Miguel Abkhazi on May 19, 2006 21:57:27 GMT -5
I just saw this and had to put my two cents in. Us guys, if any are on here and are the same as most guys, we will think of what you said. Not all guys are just that bad. If he does like her, He won't do anything to kill the relationship if he does and she doesn't and we want you to tell us these things. It's bad to be hiding these things, and trial runs are best.
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