&& What's it feel like to be a G H O S T && Pete

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{Lindsay walked down onto the beach. He hands were shakey. The last time she was here, she watched as Pete died. He watched his ghost talk to her. She went up to about the middle of the beach and sat down. Her eyes filled up with tears instantly. She wondered if he'd appear, although she knew he wouldn't be able to physically comfort her. She began to cry. "Pete...please....come here.'' she said between sniffs. She just needed to hear his voice, even if it was all in her head.}

[Pete Starintino]

Pete sat there, on the beach which now seemed to be his in some twisted metal sort of way. He himself had no idea if he was a ghost or a fixiation in Lindsays mind, he was just there.

"I've been here." He said sitting down infront of her, in his own weird way. "You don't need to call me, theres not much to do on a beach." He smiled slightly. Then noticed she was still crying. He gave her an odd glance. "Are still mad" he asked her in a normal tone.

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{Lindsay listened to him. But no smile came over her face. "Pete, I'm not...mad. Just confused." she said as the tears ran down her face harder. "Pete, I just don't get it. I love you. I know you love me, yet I don't know. Why'd you do this? Love is supposed to get anyone through anything. Don't you believe that? I was here. I didn't care how messed up you might have been. You know I would have been with you through everything. Nothings as bad as you thought it was. I am that bad?" Lindsay just questioned everything. She didn't know what else to do. The knife that was in her pocket was telling her what to do. To go with Pete. Be with him wherever he was. But she needed to know what that felt like. If he was just her imagination.}

Sorry I missed your IM. But heres my response: WHAT DID YOU DO?!? lol. that seemed quite normal. lol.

[Pete Starintino]

Pete listend to her, then sat back on his elbows. He had a face the made him look lost in thought. "Your paying to much attention to the static." He said moving so he was now sitting behind her. "I am the static, thats all I am. You can qustion everything, love, life, hate. And it all comes together in this one big... abyss of a sort, and all you hear is the static." Pete looked at her, and then with a grin, he made a white noise sound.


((thank you very much for six feet under lmao))


ps. and Lindsay, lol, I fell off the stage when Ad's dad was giving us a tour, I fell and my elbow, and now i need surgery, thank god for spell check lmao.

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{Lindsay stared at him. She was so confused. By everything. Her hand slid into her pocket and held onto the knife tightly. No, she wasn't going to grin. Tears streamed down her face. Her expression was blank. She played with the knife in her pocket. Twisting it around. "Pete.....why?" she asked. It was the only words that would come out of her mouth. She had a million questions, but one question could cover it all. And that was the one she just asked. She looked at him. But her head then moved away. The knife came out of her pocket half way, and then she shoved it back in. The long sleve shirt she had on covered up all the cuts she had given herself. She shook her head and closed her eyes. Trying to wake up from this nightmare.}

[Pete Starintino]

Pete still sat there, perched up on his elbows looking at her. She made him want to scream at himself. "Lindsay, I didint do this to hurt you." He said meaning it. "You can ask why over, and over agian and your always going to get the same answer. I was sick of asking why. I was sick of sulking because i hated myself, and i was sick of hurting you. But now you are hurting the rest of me Lindsay. Scars don't heal, what are you going to prove through it?" He said still looking at her. "Now please get rid of the knife... the next time i get to hold you i want you to be at leats in your 90's." He said in all seriousness.

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{"Pete, you may have not done this to hurt me, but you did. You never hurt me before, but now you have. You're right. Scars don't heal. You don't think I don't know that. You know what I've been through. My whole childhood was ruined. I had to fight for my own life. And ya know what, now that you're gone, I don't want my life anymore. I tried all my life to keep positive because I knew thats what was the best. If you're happy, nothing bad can happen. I was wrong. I was completely wrong. You don't understand, do you. Put yourself in my situation. What if I was you and you were me. How would you feel. My life is so fu**ed up, I just can't take it anymore!" she said in a huff. Tears flowing fastly down her eyes. She brought the knife out in front of her. She opened it, revealing the sharp blade. She could have easily jabbed it into herself at that moment. But she didn't. She planned on doing it. But she wasn't going to do it while Pete was there.}

I think I'm gunna make Lindsay like start hooking up with guys and having sex with them and shit cause shes upset about you and she always needs to feel loved or something. Yep. Its still a plot in the process....

[Pete Starintino]

Pete looked at her. "Lindsay, I know everything you went through. I have been through the same things. How many mistakes was I going to make to prove anything?" He wasent mad at her, it just wasent her time yet. "Lindsay you kill yourself and half the beauty in the world is going to be taken away. I didint giv the world beauty, I gave you beauty, and that was it. You know how many people love you alive and dead?" He said to her. He met her parents, or thought he did. "I saw them Lindsay, and all they do is speak of you they want you to keep going for them. Keep going for me Lindsay please..." He said his eyes pleading.

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{Lindsay closed the knife. "You saw my parents?" she asked, her eyes still filled with tears. "Pete...." she said. No more words came out of her mouth. She fell over right into him. Yeah, she had forgotten he was a ghost. And that made her tears fall harder. What was he gunna do? Pick her back up? He couldn't. She could do nothing else but cry at the moment. It was over. She finally figured it out. She could ask Pete every question in the world. But nothing could bring him back. She layed on the sand crying. His body kinda sorta sitting on her.}

[Pete Starintino]

Pete saw her fall onto him, and he moved over to the point where it looked like he was laying next to her. "You can't hurt anyone but yourself Lindsay. There is no god, no rules, just those restrictions you make for yourself. The qustion is are you going to give it up cuase i was stupid, or are you going to keep making people happy?"

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{Lindsay looked at him. "So you admit, you were stupid to do this. In every way. To just leave me like this. To have to deal with this world by myself. Not hae anyone to lean on when I need help. Just get beaten up on the inside just to die eventually anyway. I don't see the point in living anymore." she said with a sigh. Her blank expression held as tears dripped down her pale cheeks. It was stupid. Completely stupid. She looked out into the ocean from her laying down position. She couldn't make contact with his ghostly eyes. She just stared blankly at the ocean with tears hitting the sand and making it wet, but drying up quickly.}

[Pete Starintino]

"Yes, the thing is, I excepted what i did to myself. You wont, and you never have excepted the things that Came your way Lindsay." He said to her trying to make her realize. "I hated the way we functioned. I hated the things i did to make you sick, but i never hated us. I hated myself. You can't be me Lindsay, and you can't bring me back no matter how much you want to. I do want to come back sometimes myself." He said speaking the Truth again. "There is no point in me lying anymore. My whole life was a lie. I avoided any form of pain by doing anything to numb myself."

The words came from him as if they were written in some sort of bible. "I hated that i was poisoning every form of you, how i was there to help but so feeble in the fact that i could break at any moment and completely ruin you. I hated myself every fu**ing day because i couldn't find that light that people said was there, and i couldn't see the bright side. I had your love that was it. I had drugs, i had alcohol, but i had your love. And Lindsay, I still need your love, so stop be angry. Please." He said poring everything out to her now.

"I came to the beach because i knew people would see me, people would say, 'wow how pathetic was he.' Do i think i was pathetic? No, not at all. It was a decision i made Lindsay. One i made for myself only. I have no regrets, not one. I'm not apologizing to myself anymore. You and me saw things no one should see. I was just ready to end it. But I am not going to sit here and watch my love do the same thing, because it was stupid. And i could have changed. Bu you can, and you will. So please, get rid of the knife. I'm not ready to hold you yet." He said looking directly at her.

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

<sup>''Pete, if I wanted to kill myself, I would have done it already. But I didn't. Because I know that I don't wnat to be dead. Not yet. I want to see all the good things that there are. The things you'll never get to see. I want to see everything that people say is wonderful. I wanted to see them with you. But, Pete, I've already seen it. I saw it in you. Because I knew even though everything was wrong between both of us, that we could make it work. And we did. And thats the beautiful part of it. I don't know if that made any sense. Maybe I'm just talking jibberish. I don't know. I just know that I'm not mad. Upset, but not mad. I could never be mad at you. I love you too much. I love you more than life. More than life..." she said, letting the last few words linger in the air. She sat up and looked at him.

She couldn't bring herself to look away. She just stared at him. She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to help the people like Pete before they did what he did. Things like this break a person. What happens otherwise won't break you. It'll leave scars on the inside. But this, this breaks people. And Lindsay was broken before. She watched her friend die.

"Pete, can you talk to other people, you know. Like people that died? Like my parents? You know..." she said, her eyes as blank as her face, just thinking.</sup>

i hope that made some sense. im so tired....

[Pete Starintino]

[[it did it did ha ha]]

Pete moved closer to her. "But Lindsay i have seen everything i need to see. Beauty isint in how long you live, how extended your death may seem. Beauty in life is when you finally relize that there is nothing more to see. I saw you Lindsay. You are my beauty. I don't need a sun rise, I don't need a water fall. I see you." He said sitting now closer to her. He sat there for a moment. Words lingering on his fingers. Then she spoke, and the words made him smile. "I saw them. I didint talk. Speaking seems to ruin something like that. They looked at me, and I knew what they meant. I can. But i will when they want me. I see them though. And they love you very much. I think thats all anyone ever needs to know." He said with a small grin.

It was amazing. He didint know if he was really a gohst or a thought. A chemical reaction of someones grief. Or particles that share the space with the air and dust. He looked like Pete, he spoke like Pete. But with Wisdom. "I miss you." He finally said to her.

[x---Lindsay---> ♥]

^{Lindsay nodded. The tears came to a halt. "Can you do me a favor then? Can you tell Kevin I said hi?" she said with a small smile. "And I know this seems kind of weird since I really love you, but can you tell him....well. Tell him that before he died I wanted to tell him that I liked him. Wait. No. Tell him that when I see him again I have something to tell him. Can you do that for me?" she said, a tear ran down her face at the thought of him. Then it disapeared into the sand. "Pete, you don't have to miss me. I'm right here. I mean, I miss having you to hold on to, literally. But technically, we can't miss each other. Because we're both still here, right?'' she said with a weak smile, hoping he understood.}